When I reread older blog postings, I sometimes find one that fits better than one I could write today. This is one of those times.
"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. (John 6:67, NIV)
“Lord, I’ve been looking at the storms again. I see the winds raging, the waves crashing. I see no shining sun, only dark threatening clouds.”
My mind rushes to the storms of the past as I remember the pain they held.
Then I hear His voice.
“Let go, child. Let go. Let go – relax – and trust me. How many storms have you weathered? Have I not seen you through each one? Has the wind ever blown you completely away from me? Have the waves ever overcome you completely? Has not the sun always returned? Have not the clouds always abated?”
I lower my head answering a silent “Yes” to each question.
“But the pain Father,” I begin.
I falter and stop.
I speak again, this time the words rush out. “How do I let go of the pain? So many losses – some of them I don’t know how to get over. I feel I have lost my life. I have already lost my daughter, my father, my health, my husband is so ill ...”
I stop again, not sure why.
“Listen to your words, child. What are you truly saying?”
I speak again – this time more slowly. “I think I am saying that … that I don’t trust You enough to handle the pain with me - that I must do it myself.” The words pierce my heart. I look tentatively up to Him.
“Yes, child. That is it exactly. You have not gotten to the place of complete trust in Me.”
“Will you leave me, Lord? Because I am so weak?”
“That is not the question, little one. The question is … will you leave Me?”
Father God, Help us to see that You are holding on to each one of us even when we are weak, fearful, and full of doubt. Help us to realize that You and You alone are big enough to handle all that life brings. You, Lord, are bigger than our lives and we can trust that you will never – never leave us. Amen and amen.
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