For the past ten+ years I have pretty much focused only on illness. From my first bout with afib, through my car accident and subsequent stroke, to my diagnosis of Ankylosing Spondylitis, Fibro, and others - illness has dominated my life. How to live with it. How to survive. Finding others who understood. I'm realizing it has been an important season in my life.
But seasons change. I find I am reading more blogs written by folks who don't deal with chronic illness. I am drawn to many of them - eagerly awaiting new blog posts, bookmarking them, pondering on them. They are all growth oriented. Spiritual growth.
Somehow, during the past ten years I have come to a new realization. I have more in common with folks who don't have chronic illness than I once believed. In these posts I read of struggles. FInancial struggles, family struggles, just plain old challenges with life.
Folks without chronic illness are not immune from the same feelings I often have. Fear. Anxiety. Pain (perhaps more emotional than physical). Uncertainty. Doubt. I read words that center me and point me back to God. I read words that encourage my growth.
I read words that push me forward on my quest to know God.
At one point I would have said that those without chronic illnesses cannot understand those who do. Well, there may be parts of this life they don't understand, that's true.
But it's also true I have much to learn from those outside of my small world.
I am seeing I need a bigger world. I need one that is not defined by illness and pain. It is far to easy for me to use those words as excuses for staying stuck. I think I needed to be "stuck" for a while. I think I needed to get to know my challenges intimately. I think there were many, many lessons to be learned.
I've learned many from the communities that focus on chronic illness. They helped equip me to become who I am today. But you know what?
I am not that much different from the mom who faces challenges homeschooling her four children and struggles with time and energy. I am not that much different than the gal who prays for the right weather so the crops on their farm will grow - living with the uncertainty of farm life.
In some ways, I have worn my illnesses as a badge of honor. As I look to these other women and men, I humbly lie that badge down. Yes - Illness requires sacrifice. Yes - illness requires endurance. But I'm learning that most every life does.
This just happens to be the path that God chose for me to walk. Each of us has our own. No one path is better or more enviable than another. I want to reclaim some of what I lost when I thought all that was left of me was my illness. How untrue that was and is!
I see far more in common with those around me than I once knew. I wish I could personally thank these men and women for the guideposts they have put up in living their own lives. That isn't always something I can do. But, grateful I am.
I may not understand what is happening around me. I don't understand the sudden rush of feelings that are propelling me along a path I did not expect to find. I look at God in wonder as I see His hand guiding me, encouraging me, loving me. It makes no sense to me.
But, as I read in a recent post by a dear woman of God ... it's all good.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7) was not written just to those who enjoy good health and "easier" lives than ours. It was written for us as well.
Dear reader, may you find that peace.