Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; I Peter 4:12
Not quite sure how much of a devotional this will be. For those who know me, you know I’ve had a lot of dental issues lately. I’ve been left with a seemingly unexplainable pain that has no real source – or name.
I am unsure where my writing will take me today.
I have to admit I am railing against this. I want to be able to name it. I want the pain to go away. I want to be able to eat – drink – feel the breeze from a fan run across my face without pain.
Having no tolerance for strong pain meds isn’t helping. At some level I am wondering why – why me? – why now? On another level I know that God is in control and that there is some unfathomable-to-me reason that this is happening.
I have to cling to the fact that there is good to come from this – somehow and somewhere. I can’t see it anywhere. I can’t even truly imagine it.
I pray for relief. But I am not sure that the relief I want will come in the form I desire. A tiny part of me whispers, “What have I done wrong? Why do I deserve this?” I quickly quell those words and command them to silence.
I know – I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a reason for this. I must wait to be shown that answer.
Is this a test? Is it a fiery trial? Am I being refined like silver? I wish I knew. Yet – those are the words I must cling to.
Somehow – someway – either I, or my world will be better for this. I never expected this. The procedures I had were supposed to take pain away – not escalate it.
So today I lie here in my trusty recliner, not talking as it hurts to talk – in a quiet room, as sounds hurt and trigger pain – slowly sipping lukewarm tea to try to prevent another episode of whatever this is – and turn to God. Turn to writing about Him, of Him, and for Him. Yes, that is where the pain is taking me. To Him.
Because in reality – He is all there really is.
Father God, the only thing I know how to pray today is that you hold each one of us closely as we go through the trials of this life. Help us to see you clearly in spite of the ordeals that face us. I thank You that in some inexplicable way – You will bring good from pain. Amen and amen.