Fear Not

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  (Isaiah 41:10) 

I startle as I feel my heart pound.  It skips a beat, then beats wildly against my chest wall.  I can feel the arrhythmia as it starts up.  An icy fear clutches my heart as well.  No.  I don’t want this again.  No … please … no.  But the erratic beating continues.  I stand and feel dizzy.  I lie back down.  I know what the doctor has said to me about the arrhythmia continuing and the next steps in treatment.  I don’t like them.  I don’t want them to happen. I bow my head and pray.  “Lord, I know it is possible for you to put my heart back into regular rhythm.  I ask, Lord, if it be Your will, that you do just that.  Lord, I don’t want to face this.”

I look back at what I have just written.  How many times did I use the word “I”?  I am so self-focused.  I relax a bit.  “Thy will be done” starts to sink into.  Then the fear rises again. “ But I am not safe in a hospital” I begin to argue with the Lord.  “I cannot handle the IV’s, I clot so easily”,  talking to Him as if He is unaware of that fact.  ‘I’m allergic to the meds … I could have convulsions … I don’t like the success rate – so many things could go wrong …..”  My words falter.

I am talking to my God as if He is not aware of all of this.  I want to beg not to face this fear.  “Fear not.  I am with you.”  Verses begin to enter my conscious thoughts.  “Be strong, be of good courage.  Do not tremble or be afraid.”  

I have heard that there are 365 places in the Bible where God tells us, in one form of words or another, not to be afraid.  I realize I have to start taking control of my thoughts.  I begin to breathe deeply and slowly, despite the erratic beating of my heart.  “Fear not.  I am with you.”  “Fear not, I am with You.”   He knows I am going to face fearful times.  Now is when I must draw from His strength.  His wisdom.  His comfort.  His assurances.

“Fear not.  I am with You.”

 © deni weber 2010-2015