For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
Some moments, the fear takes over.
I wake startled - not sure if it was from my own cries for help or the rapid movement of my husband.
"Are you all right?" he says worriedly.
It takes me a moment to answer.
I've had another one of those dreams. Dreams where I feel trapped in some odd situation and find myself trying to call out for help - but the words seem to come. I struggle and struggle to say them until I can finally force some strained words out.
Last night - those words woke my husband.
I have a form of sleep apnea in which my brain forgets to breathe. Those times of not breathing tie into those nightmares. As I struggle to speak, I am actually struggling for air.
Last night, I couldn't shake the fear that came afterwards. What if one of these times I am not able to wake myself with my cries? What if I don't start breathing again?
Then all of the "what if's" in my life came flooding in. The ones about my husband, my mother. Heck, I even started worrying about the whole word, Iraq, Iran, Israel - everything seemed to tumble on my plate at once.
I realized suddenly that that is the place I would dwell in every day without God in my life. That frightened me even more. To live with all of those fears, moment by moment, was almost impossible to comprehend.
I knew immediately what I need to. I prayed. I recited Bible verses. I listened to music. I realized that I did not have to live inside of that fear. I ran to God.
Gratitude flooded my soul.
I know I will never be immune to the fears of this life. But God is good. He gives us much to hold in our hearts during the times when fear threatens to overwhelm us.
I recall another verse from 1 John 4:18.
Perfect love casts out fear.
And that is how God loves us. Perfectly.
For now - and forever.
Amen.
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