But I am poor and needy; Yet the Lord thinketh upon me: Thou art my help and my deliverer; Make no tarrying, O my God. Psalm 40: 17
I hate to be seen as a needy person. Truth be told, I am. I depend on others for my existence. I need help doing things that were just simple little tasks. I once took all these things for granted.
I see such a stark contrast between the person I used to be - a strong, vital professional who could spend long hours at work and then come home and take care of my household and the person I am today. I spent years as a single parent taking care of my four children, who had their own sets of health problems.
It seems I quickly went from the role of caretaker to the role of being the one cared for.
I don't like it.
But I have learned I can accept things to be what they are, even if I don't like it.
It's difficult to be needy though.
It took me a long time to recognize my need for God as well. During those years of self-sufficency, I was able to do it all myself. I didn't need God. Or at least, I thought I didn't.
Hindsight is interesting. Now, I realize I have depended on God for my existence all along. I just didn't know it.
He has been carefully crafting my life since I was born - no ... since conception. Even my birth was his idea. I didn't have to exist - or my parents could have considered abortion.
I am here because He created me to be here. Now.
It's almost easier to accept that I need God than it is to accept I need help with something as simple as washing my hair or making a cup of tea.
Yet, I must stop and think about who is truly meeting my physical needs as well as my spiritual ones. I need others to literally hold me up some days.
I need God to hold me up every day.
Father God, Thank You that You are here in every moment of my life. When someone offers a helping hand, may I be quick to see that it is Your hand being offered and may I be quick to admit my neediness - and accept help in whatever form it takes. Amen and amen. So be it, Lord.