At His Feet

christ high priest

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.  Nahum 1:7

My dear, dear readers - our lives are such struggles at times! 

As my husband's battle with his Parkinson's and cancer continue I find I am relating to pain and illness in a new way.  I guess I'm almost used to my own challenges.  In some odd way they are old familiar friends to me.  I pretty much know what to expect.  Not like.  Expect.

How different to see the changes in a previously vital, healthy, and active man.  I feel so useless at times.

I see him going through so many of the emotions I went through - and sometimes still do.  I try to help.  I try to encourage.  But sometimes there are no words that can penetrate his pain and loss.

I see chronic illness and pain with new eyes.  It hurts to watch.

I am slowly realizing he does not want my words right now.  He doesn't want me to pipe in with, "Oh!  I wrote a devotional about that, you should  ..."  I trail off as I see how disinterested he is.  

I am learnng what he does want.  Someone to listen.  More than that - someone to hear and understand.  

For some of us that can be a friend or a spouse.  Some of us find that connection online.  For others there is seemingly no one. Yet, sometimes we overlook the one who will listen and hear and understand.

I've been trying to be more diligent in my prayer life.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the needs I have written in my little book.  So many.

Yesterday, at my prayer time, I was feeling that while so much was wanted of me - I had so little to respond with.

In my mind, I pictured myself sitting at the feet of Christ.  All I wanted was to sit there with Him.

I didn't want words.  I didn't want platitudes.  I just wanted someone to be with.  I know many of us struggle with this.  It's a common ground we share, this wanting someone to understand.

I am so glad that the full burden of my husband's illness does not fall on my shoulders.  It is far to heavy for me to carry.  To know that each of us has someone to share that burden is priceless.  To sit at His feet and simply "be" is grace beyond measure.

Father God, Thank you that you are our refuge in the troubled times in our lives.  I pray that you surround each of us with those who will care, those who will listen - but when others fail us, help us to realize that you are the one who is always there - the one who will always listen - the one who will always care.  Amen and amen.

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