A House of Cards 

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From the 2012 archives

But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” Luke 6:49

I've been realizing something about myself lately.

Sometimes, when things fall apart around me, my tendency is to find the broken shards, sweep them together, and begin to build again.

I've been rather proud of that aspect of myself. Once, when I was practicing freestyle routines when I used to skate, someone commented that I was resilient.  I'd not let failure stop me.  After every fall, I'd get back up again.  If I performed poorly at a competition, I kept working for the next one.

Something to be proud of, right?

Not necessarily.

Yes, I can be resilient.  Yes, I can sweep the pieces up and start again.  

Yet, I've noticed this as I look back at my life:

Often times, the pieces I swept back together to build on were pretty shaky.  And I could build so far - only to have the pieces fall down again.

My foundation was wrong.

It doesn't matter how many times you try to build and rebuild if the basic foundation  isn't solid.

I guess I wouldn't be thinking about these things if it weren't for the fact that my health has bottomed out again.  I've a lot of fears that want to surface.  I keep holding them under, but just like trying to hold a beach ball under water, the further I push them down - the quicker and higher they rise.

I'm trying to do this on my own.  Again.

The foundation I'm building on?  

My own strength.

Yes, I know I say the right words, I can encourage others, but sometimes I just don't do the things I write about.

I try to almost will myself to be better.  I do everything I think I can to be ok.  I do my exercises.  I try to eat right - drink enough water - avoid the stresses that I know can trigger me.

But that isn't enough.

As long as I am building on my own resilience, my own foundation, I am no better off than a house of cards waiting to be swept away by the next bout of heart irregularities.

As I sat with myself, I realized how tense I become.  How fear reaches out its tentacles to attach itself to me.

I know that I need to look back to the foundation on which my life is built.  Am I relying fully on God?  Am I paying attention to what He tells me in His Word?  Am I trusting Him with my life?

Usually the answer is no.

How humbling.

And I cannot do a "patch and repair" job on that foundation.  It needs to solidly built.

And the only foundation I can build on is that of Christ Jesus.

I know that.

I just need to make sure I am building on that foundation each and every day.

Father God, I pray that you can use the times when I am afraid to teach me that, when I recognize those feelings, I am not building on the foundation You have laid for me.  Help me to remember that, when you are the foundation of my life, I can face each event with You at my side.  Amen and amen.

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